..the shit kicked out of me...

Usually, I feel really encouraged after GIFT, but tonight I felt like shit. And I can't really put my finger on why. I think it is so many reasons rolled into one that I can't even figure out what they all are.

I hate it when you cannot control your own emotions and feelings. It is so frustrating to have all these things stirring in your heart and mind - things that make life difficult and stressful - that you just cannot get rid of, no matter how hard you try until finally you just give up hope of ever getting them under control, let alone getting rid on them. And then, they get worse because you aren't even trying to keep them in check anymore and there isn't really anything you can do about it because the other option is something completely worse and unthinkable. That is how I feel like right now. The manifestation of this is tears, but even they refuse to come.

Argh.

On the bright side, however, I have an amazing friend who will lay in bed with me for a long time and listen to me bitch about above frustrations and doesn't get exasperated with me. She just lays there and strokes my hair like I am a little girl (which I feel like) and lets me yell out my frustrations. She doesn't try to give me answers or analyze what I am saying. She lets me be me, with all of my shit and my faults. And then, she gives me ice cream. Yup, pretty much one of the most amazing people in my life.

I'm pretty darn thankful.