you belong with me, not swallowed in the sea

have you ever felt very alone even though you are surrounded by people?

this will be my summer.

i miss my friends. i miss my home.

i miss late night laughter, making dinner together, whispering small secrets, exchanging knowing smiles, sneaking glances across the bean that end in a smile, hugging those people who mean the world to me.

i miss not having to clarify what i mean, people who like the same music as me, people who can watch movies like juno without being upset at the "questionable content."

i miss being able to ponder big questions with nonjudgmental people. I miss pondering the "small" things - freaking out and overanalyzing and then telling ourselves we can't do that.....and then making the excuse that we can because "we're girls and thats what we do".

i miss being surrounded by people who aren't the super religious types - those who have a spiritual answer for everything.

i miss the comfort.

so i find comfort in chopping vegetables for supper. in watching ridiculous movies with my family while i can. in listening to good music as loud as i can. in watching the clouds move overhead while i cuddle with a blanket and coffee. in short, but wonderful conversations that pop up here and there with those people i care about. in pictures that bring back memories and laughter. in journaling. in writing letters and sending packages. in reading those letters that are replied to. in looking forward to the end of august. in planning what the next year might hold.

and soon the summer will be over. i will move to a new place yet again. i will be closer to some and farther from others.

changes in life are always present, whether we want them to be or not. and no matter how hard i might try to resist them, it does no good. and dwelling on what isn't anymore brings a sadness, both bitter and sweet.