i am currently watching my family play phase 10. dad is losing, malorie ahead of him, mom ahead of everyone else. they play in silence during each hand. the silence breaks only after someone has won a hand. people analyze the way each hand was played out, moan at the number of points they have gained, raise hands in excitement at the prospect of the next hand. the concentration each displays is rather intense.
david gray is playing as background to their intensity. he doesn't fit their mood, but he fits mine.
i read the seventh harry potter book yesterday and today. i had an intense urge to read it before i leave tomorrow. perhaps so that my brain is not thinking about what is coming tomorrow...i could just slip into the imagined world of wizards, wands, and horcruxes.
tomorrow. ah, tomorrow. i leave tomorrow for michigan. the truck bringing my things is all packed, other items in the trunk of my car. justine will be there, as will amy and marcus, sam.
my room contains only a bed, an empty shelve and a suitcase with a couple changes of clothes. it is strangly empty. it reminds me of our house in lansing the day before we offically moved out. all of our furniture was in a truck headed to sioux falls. we were staying one more night before i moved to my friends house and my parents left. the house was big and cold. there was no life in it anymore. the things that had made it home were gone. it echoed when we talked.
a part of me is sad at the coming events. this is puncuated by the tears that surface in my sisters eyes at the mention of holland or moving or anything related. i will miss being near my family. i won't be able to see kaitlin excel at Dordt this year, or watch Malorie kick butt as the captain of the varsity cheerleading squad. i won't be involved in the activities that have defined and shaped a lot of who i am as a person.
and yet, a larger part of me is excited. i am going to experience a new level of education. i'll be closer to others who i love dearly. i will be truly on my own for the first time ever. i'm going to make a life for myself - independent, working towards who knows what....
it's a bittersweet time, really. i've come to the conclusion that most of life is really defined with this sentiment. it seems there is always that tender balance between happiness and sorrow. perhaps this is part of the definition of joy.
No comments:
Post a Comment