can you go back once you know?

I've arrived back in Holland from a weekend with my family is Sioux Falls. Malorie is officially a high school graduate. When i see her in my mind's eye, she is still twelve. She spoke of getting a nose ring and perhaps a tattoo after she turns eighteen at the end of June. It was slightly disconcerting.

In the last few weeks I have moved into a new apartment, applied for a visa to China, bought a MacBook, and fought off typhoid in pill form. In the weeks to come I will host my family when they visit me here, attend a party celebrating the independence of Argentina, read all sorts of literature concerning the history and politics of China, and work long, homeworkless hours in the library.

I leave for China in a month. It still does not feel real.

I find that I am dreading the goodbyes that haunt my future.