Senseless

The semester from hell is almost over.

I have a to do list made out - black writing with brilliant red crossing of the things that I've finished. It is both satisfying and frustrating. Satisfying to cross things off. Frustrating that the things that aren't crossed yet never seem to end.

A project for Counsel and Care is due on Friday. It is a group project and I am working with good people. We are putting together a pastoral response to the death of a child named Timmy, education classes on grief for the congregation, funeral service and sermon, and how we help the family mourn and grieve.

Mourn and grieve. One of my classmates is dying. He has cancer. It came quickly and suddenly and is taking him away. He's in hospice now. In pain. Pumped with medication. Waiting to die.

We are waiting for him to die. It's a terrible anticipation to dwell in. We don't know how to begin to grieve. How to begin to mourn this loss. How to prepare for it.

Every time I sit to work on this project, I am overwhelmed by the fact that I don't know how to mourn or grieve for this man. He's my friend, my peer, my fellow classmate. How can I put together a "program" to help a family grieve the death of a young son, to awaken hope in their lives, when I don't even know how to awaken hope in my own.

He shouldn't be dying.

Senseless.